Who made the world?
Who made the swan, and the black bear?
Who made the grasshopper?
This grasshopper, I mean —
the one who has flung herself out of the grass,
the one who is eating sugar out of my hand,
who is moving her jaws back and forth instead of up and down —
who is gazing around with her enormous and complicated eyes.
Now she lifts her pale forearms and thoroughly washes her face.
Now she snaps her wings open, and floats away.
I don't know exactly what a prayer is.
I do know how to pay attention, how to fall down
into the grass, how to kneel down in the grass,
how to be idle and blessed, how to stroll through the fields,
which is what I have been doing all day.
Tell me, what else should I have done?
Doesn't everything die at last, and too soon?
Tell me, what is it you plan to do
with your one wild and precious life?
- Mary Oliver
Each year in early August all staff at my workplace are given a day off - a gesture of appreciation for our hard work throughout the year. And I wondered, as the day approached, how I might spend my one wild and precious day off. Although mid winter for me, I still wanted to create space for a bit of idleness, perhaps a social catch up, reading in a hammock or painting or watching passers-by. I also wanted to reflect on the year so far.
On a rainy day in late December last year I attended a collaging workshop. Sheltering in a small marquee with rickety card tables and milk crates for seats, my fellow participants and I flicked through magazines and vintage picture books in search of appropriate images while the rain continued to pelt the roof and form puddles around the perimeter of our tent. I somehow found myself drawn to several different pictures, reflecting aspects of myself and how I wanted my next year to be. A New Year’s Intention collage, if you will.
The image of a child, looking very much like me as a girl, sits at the centre of the final piece. I wanted my inner child, often present even in my 5th decade, to feel safe, considered and heard. And the outdated, dinosaur part of me is there too. I wanted to challenge myself to embrace change, growth and fresh perspectives even when I feel resistant. There’s a sense of colour, playfulness, beauty, sexiness and celebration throughout. I wanted to give space in my life for the intellectual, the creative, and the absurd. The word “power” appears, superimposed upon a large gathering of people.
So, in our line of work we sometimes conduct a mid term review of a project. We want to know what's worked well, what hasn't, and what needs to change so we can meet our objectives. So, how have my New Year's intentions measured up so far?
In the relational facets of life, there have surprises, disappointments and several opportunities for growth, strength, and to “listen to my gut”. I haven’t always listened to that niggling voice, but she’s usually right and I’m getting better at trusting her these days. I continue to express my perspective with truth and kindness, know my worth, negotiate better outcomes for myself and others and walk away from what isn’t working. By introducing playfulness, humility and vulnerability amongst colleagues earlier in the year, there is now a much stronger team collaboration that I’m really excited about.
As I made my way down leafy tree-lined streets towards the café where I was to meet a friend on my wild and precious day, I stopped to smell and take in the flowers. A small gallery in a suburban corner shop-front displayed a glorious autumnal felt coat in the window. Fascinated by the deep orange tones, and the large buttons, I gazed in awe. Unusual pottery dotted throughout the front window display caught my eye, and a woman waved at me almost imperceptibly from behind a sign saying “open by appointment only”.
One subject that troubled me earlier in the year was a lack of unity amongst Quakers about Palestine. Through offering my perspective and inviting Friends to a conversation, I was part of a really powerful gathering in July where Friends opened up about fears, frustrations and deep heartache, leading to some strong statements being made publicly. It felt like the Spirit was moving amongst us as we listened deeply and were vulnerable. These are the moments and changes that feel most significant to me and we now have the momentum to shift more minds and hearts.
And there have been changes to do with family. As Dad increases the frequency of his walking to twice daily, he’s found that he can make the trip up the street to Woollies with his newly acquired canvas shopping trolley, a venture that until a couple of months ago he hadn’t attempted for almost five years. The reward of a skinny cappuccino in a nearby café follows a now weekly shopping venture. Yet, as his memory for PINs, and online payment processes and his breakfast routine wax and wane, his appreciation for the important things in life seems to steadily grow. Dad expresses touching appreciation for visits and I've come to also enjoy sharing stories of the past week, and the distant past. We’re getting back into writing up his stories, reflections and perspectives, which will form a lovely memory piece once completed. There are also elements of the absurd that become exaggerated in the re-telling, and I realise that I’m just as fascinated with how our brain works when it slows down as when it starts up.
I’ve been watching “The Marvellous Mrs Maisel” over the past couple of weeks, and I admire the self-confidence and vulnerability of the witty protagonist, a fictional woman in the late 1950s (said to be based on a real person) who discovers in herself a comedic talent at a time of great adversity and pursues this unusual, playful and bold direction with hilarious results. Drama ensues. Perhaps there are possibilities and lessons for my life in that example.
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